The Many Effects of Dye
by Organization III
Summary: Axel learns the painful fact that yes, Xemnas is a sadist, and yes, dyes are not for children. And, of course, there's a reason why chickens shouldn't be allowed into any sane Organization.


There's peace in the Organization now. So, in the end, it doesn't really matter. No. Not one bit. Not even when Vexen spilled coffee on Xemnas's chicken, Henrietta. That guy was just too attached to her. Really. Yelling over burnt feathers. And the singed skin. …And the fact that his best suit was ruined. He really was just too attached to that chicken. Of course, the important word there is "was." You may want to hear that story. I wouldn't recommend it. Why? Because not only is it a _long _story, but it's gruesome, cold, and brutal. It involves fire. And explosions. And worst of all? Chicken feathers.

It all started when Axel decided that spiking his hair just wasn't enough; he had to go and dye it. So he went to buy groceries and came back with a number of dyes that probably weren't legal and certainly hadn't come from the _store_. That certain Target didn't sell things with "toxic" labels on them. In fact, it didn't sell many of the things Axel wanted. This always made the man sad. So, this was the way he'd gotten to know many of the street vendors that his mommy had no doubt told him to stay away from. But Axel was like that, really.

But one way or another, he went to get groceries and came back with a goodly supply of matches (as usual), kerosene (not as usual, but certainly not a novelty), and hair dye. No milk, cheese, butter, eggs or pizza. –Or the frozen veggies, but no one liked those anyway, so we were glad about that. But the hair dye. It was nothing normal like blond or brown or black. Not even odder colors like blue or green. But he had come home with the worst color of dye I could possible imagine. White.

Don't get me wrong. People with white hair look interesting. Take Riku or Sephiroth for example. But Axel went about it in the worst way possible. It was _awful_. He didn't bleach his hair in preparation or whatever you need to do. He just… went and dyed his hair. Of course, you might be able to tell what comes next. He came out of the bathroom. And his hair was pink.

Marluxia was laughing his head off, Axel was angry with Marluxia, Vexen thought that this was an interesting experiment on intellect (he had never thought much of Axel's brainpower), and Demyx thought this the perfect time to compose a mournful ballad. The Ballad of the Hair. Axel throttled him for that.

How in the world does this have to do with a chicken? Well, this chicken in particular, Henrietta, happened to like the color pink. By this time, she had been shunned by the single man in the Organization who liked pink. That would be Marluxia. And what does shunned mean? Being swiped at with a scythe and getting some tail feathers cut off, of course. So Henrietta had decided that living in Marluxia's closet was out of the question. But, ah, glorious day! There was a new pink man. Maybe not a lot of pink, but there was certainly pink. So Henrietta took a pilgrimage down the hall to Axel's room.

On the day of the white dye, Axel had thought he had learned the true meaning of pain. The next morning, right after he woke up, he realized that all the pain he had experienced before was a lie. It was on that morning after that he realized what true pain was.

Axel had been having a nice dream about how his hair had been restored to its former glory. Shiny, red, and with all the ladies adoring it. Then all the ladies began to laugh. Laugh, as they realized Axel had just been wearing a wig and his hair was pink all along. It was then that he woke up. The ladies disappeared, the dreams of red hair disappeared, and even the shininess had left him! But the laughter kept on going.

Axel opened his eyes in dismay. There before him was Larxene. The woman had tears streaming down her face, and it looked like she couldn't stop. Quickly, Axel regained his composure. "What's so funny?" Larxene breathed deeply, trying to compose herself. Axel repeated his question, his voice getting higher with anxiety. By this time, Larxene had managed to get her fit (somewhat) under control. So she simply pointed to Axel's head.

The man struggled upright and peered into the mirror that was built into the wall. There was silence for a moment before a high pitched squeal of terror sounded throughout the castle. This was followed by sounds of running up and down halls, the squawking of a chicken, and a rather select choice of words which really isn't repeatable and shouldn't have been said in the first place. A few minutes revealed Axel stumbling down the stairs, Henrietta nested happily in his very pink hair.

Axel was in shambles. His cloak was only half on and a chicken was in his hair. He stumbled down the stairs in a daze, wondering if this was still part of the dream he had been having. He had suspicions that it wasn't, so when a girly voice projected itself across the room, telling his cloak off, he really didn't appreciate it.

"_Like, woah. Your clothes are like, really wrinkled_."

The voice came from Xemnas's seat. Everyone blanched on cue. Xemnas smiled in a pleased way.

"What was that?" Demyx said in a horrified tone.

"A recording."

There was a sigh of relief from the room. Once again on cue. Xemnas was having fun! So he played the recording again. It was a pity that he didn't notice the increasing annoyance on Axel's face.

After a few more replays, it was only one loud line, spoken by Demyx (again) that was needed to break the ice. "Wow, his face is getting as pink as his hair!" The reaction to this was as if you had just shaken a can of soda and opened it. This is a very big can of soda. Everyone will get soaked.

There was a scream of rage. A chakram was flung, and there was a chicken was sitting peacefully on pink hair. There was much running, lightning strikes, fire, and yelling. Water began to swill around the feet of people in one half of the room while the other half danced around trying to keep their feet from being set alight. A chicken was still sitting peacefully on Axel's pink hair. The man cringed in pain as the chicken dug into his head for purchase, attempting to maintain the unruffled picture.

As Axel became busy with the chicken, the other Organization members realized that they had been fighting teammates and not the one who had been going homicidal. So when they all _did_ realize this, they rushed over to Axel and began yelling at him at the top of their lungs. Axel quickly came to his senses and decided that they, in turn, must be the homicidal ones. With this thought most readily in mind, he came to his senses and ran up the flight of stairs, which were handily behind him. A raging mob followed.

Coming to the end of the stairwell, Axel realized that this was a dead end. At least, it was a dead end for all practical purposes. Of course, Axel was not in the least practical, so this was only a minor setback.

Quickly scanning the hall, the man soon saw the laundry shoot. If laundry could go down it, why couldn't he? He was just as dirty as the laundry, he reasoned, due to all the times Larxene had told him to wash his mouth out. So, without further ado, he leapt toward the life saving opening.

–Sadly, this is the time when we realize just how attached Xemnas was to his chicken.

Xemnas had been in the lead of the Organization members that were chasing Axel. Naturally, this gave him time to see Axel go down the laundry shoot. And, of course, where Axel went, so did Henrietta. The love Xemnas felt for this chicken overcame all odds that were before him, even if the odds were smelly, dirty laundry. With a cry of rage, the white-haired man jumped down the laundry shoot after his love. Even with this heroism, the short moment of his stomach coming to the roof of his mouth made Xemnas promise himself that he wouldn't jump down any more laundry shoots. But it was too late for regrets.

Time seemed to slow as Xemnas fell. He watched in horror as Axel did a face plant on a pillowcase and his body catapulted over his head in a rather painful maneuver to land upon some spare underwear. Chicken feathers flew as Henrietta gave a muffled squawk of pain. Xemnas began to tear up, getting ready to sob.

Of course, time hadn't really slowed, so Xemnas managed to do the exact same thing Axel did. He really hadn't realized how much pain wrenching your neck like that could cause you, but those blissful thoughts were all in the past. Xemnas lay stunned for a moment, before he realized that he was squashing his beloved chicken. He rolled over as quickly as his fragile, hurting body would allow, and reached over, cradling his chicken, tears streaming down his face.

That was all from Xemnas's perspective, however. Axel didn't see it in such an emotional light. He only felt pain as he landed on his head, chicken claws digging into his scalp. There was a squawk of pain and then a painful _thud_ as his body hit the laundry. There wasn't even time to call for his mommy, as his leader's head came down a few inches away from his face, and there was most certainly a body that came crashing down with it. Axel really didn't appreciate the random lights that flashed before his eyes as he was elbowed in his spleen. He also didn't like Xemnas's choice of rolling over on him and sobbing phrases of love to a chicken.

"Getoffa'me!"

Xemnas jumped slightly, before setting Henrietta back in Axel's hair and getting up slowly, trying to steady himself on the rather unsteady surface. Axel groaned and lifted himself up slowly. The two men picked their way over various unsavory objects before finding the end of all the laundry. Once they were out, Axel commented on the state of things. "I thought that the laundry was Demyx's job."

Xemnas frowned. "Yes, well, I suppose that we keep Demyx rather busy with all the cooking as well. It might take him some time before he can get around to the laundry."

"And then we'll go without meals for a year and a month," Axel commented dryly. "I think you need to speak to the water boy." Henrietta gave a sleepy sound and settled herself down. "I also think that you need to take your chicken out of my hair."

Xemnas shrugged and strode off without looking back. "You think too much, number eight. Be happy something worse doesn't happen to you."

"Something _worse_?" Axel gave a mock sob and crumpled down onto the floor. "How can something WORSE happen!"


End file.
